Guns N’ Roses- Chinese Democracy

Next month, just in time for Thanksgiving, Guns n' Roses (or what's left of them) will release Chinese Democracy, an album for which preparations began in 1994. Since then, the album has been rumored to be hitting shelves multiple times, only to be pushed back repeatedly to the point of hilarity. 

One would think that 14 years would give time for record label executives, musicians, and friends of the band time to say something like: "Let me give it to ya straight guys. This is awful. I'd start from scratch." Based on the recent single, "Chinese Democracy," either no one said anything, the band didn't listen, or this was simply the least horrible song they came up with.

The song begins with the always charming Axl Rose doing some high pitched squealing that would rival any police cruiser's siren. The song steadily quiets and as one would expect, the fireworks start. The guitar riff and lead up to the vocals are quite difficult to digest. The riff itself isn't too hard on the ears, it just that it's nothing we haven't heard before: echoing, extra-saturated power chords and nothing else.

However, as the guitars build up to the vocals, you're likely to pull your hair out. In the transition, the guitar sounds like a mixture of buzz saw and scratching a chalkboard. Either way, it sounds like crap.  At one point, I was listening to this song, and my roommate walked in. He heard the part of the song mentioned above, and I swear to you, he winced.

If you make it past the first minute or so, you'll be in for more mediocrity, but it is nowhere near as bad as the beginning. Still, A boring wa-wa solo, lyrics that mean nothing, and an unnecessary mentioning of masturbation complete the awful picture.

I guess it’s a little much too expect a good song when the leader of your band is a white guy with red corn braids and a bandanna, and gets in fistfights with Tommy Hilfiger. This album will be proof that when Slash left, it was meant to be the end.  One only hopes that an entire album can’t be as bad as this first single, but if you are inclined to buy it, it comes with a coupon for a free Dr. Pepper. So there ya go.

1/5 woovies